Genealogy Humor
GENEALOGY
LINE
LINKS
History of
NC Counties
CARS
Catawba
Station
Township
Catawba
Elementary
& High School
Cemeteries
The
CIVIL
WAR
Additional
Family
SURNAMES
Genealogy
HUMOR
PHOTO
LINKS
Slavery
Twins
WHERE
TO
FIND 'EM
PAGE
________
FAMILY
NAMES
LOFTIN:
Beatty
Corzine
Cranford
Fisher
Givens
Harwell
Kaiser
Lomax
McCorkle
Rudisill
Sherrill
Upright
Work
SETZER:
Aderholdt
Barringer
Bovey
Bushart
Deal
Heavner
Herman
Ikert
Miller
Motz
Rankin
Witherspoon
GOBLE:
Babst/Bobst
Douglas
Faber
Fink
Fulbright
Hefner
Meinhert
Miller
Muller
Pabst/Bobst
Robinson
JOHNSON:
Corzine
Fink
Hamilton
Kaiser
Leslie
Lewis
Moore
Sherrill
Upright
Wilkinson
It's Just Funny!
The Newton Enterprise
December 11, 1880"Evil Spirits"
To the Editor of the Enterprise: A man by the name of Loftin, who selleth "ardent spirits", between Newton and Catawba, got to peddling his stuff down near Sherrills Ford, and because a certain friend of humanity put a stop to his selling at that point, he, Loftin, has been talling all sorts of fabricated tales about the friend aforesaid, and in order to show that it was proper and right to stop his "accuresed traffic", I will give you the result of the use of some of his liquor, so called: Messrs. L. & M. both made purchases of him. L. got sick and vomited; his dog in turn sickened and died, as if dosed with strychnine. M. heard of the result. So, when he took sick he yelled to his wife to "tie the dog", he "did not want to lose it, too". If they had not rid their stomachs of the stuff, they too would have sent in their checks. Furthermore, a Mr. B. says Loftin's liquor all froze up last winter. So it would seem that his liquor has a body instead of spirit, as spirits do not freeze. With such stuff on the market we think all manking and "dogkind" too would favor prohibition.
As I started studying my own family genealogy, I remembered a humorous song that I had heard in the 1960s entitled "I'm My Own Grandpa". The song was actually written in 1948 by Dwight Latham and Guy Jaffe, which became a hit for the country duo Lonzo & Oscar. Ray Stevens also recorded the song again in 1987.
I'm My Own Grandpa by Dwight Latham & Guy Jaffe
Many, many years ago, when I was twenty-three,
I was married to a widow who was pretty as can be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her, and soon they, too, were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law and really changed my very life,
My daughter was my mother, cause she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matter, even though it brought me joy,
I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became a brother-in-law to Dad,
And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle, then that also made him brother
Of the widow's grown-up daughter, who, of course, was my stepmother.
Father's wife then had a son who kept him on the run,
And he became my grandchild, for he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother, and it makes me blue,
Because, although she is my wife, she's my grandmother, too.
Now if my wife is my grandmother, then I'm her grandchild,
And every time I think of it, it nearly drives me wild,
For now I have become the strangest case you ever saw,
As husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!
Oh, I'm my own grandpa.
I'm my own grandpa.
It sounds funny, I know, but it really is so,
Oh, I'm my own grandpa.
Rules For Our Ancestors - or -
How to Confuse Your Descendents(1) Thou shalt name your male children: James, John, Joseph, Josiah, Thomas, and William.
(2) Thou shalt name your female children: Elizabeth, Mary, Martha, Maria, Sarah, Ida, May.
(3) Thou shalt leave NO trace of your female children.
(4) Thou shalt, after naming your children from the above lists, call them by strange nicknames such as: Sally, Polly, Dolly.---making them difficult to trace.
(5) Thou shalt NOT use any middle names on any legal documents or census reports, and only where necessary, you may use only initials on legal documents.
(6)Thou shalt learn to sign all documents illegibly so that your surname can be spelled, or misspelled, in various ways: Loftin, Lofton, Loften, Lofften, Lipton.
(7) Thou shalt, after no more then 3 generations, make sure that all family records are lost, misplaced, burned in a court house fire, or buried so that NO future trace of them can be found.
(8) Thou shalt propagate misleading legends, rumors, & vague innuendo regarding your place origination.
(A) You may have come from: England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Germany....or Italy.
(B) You may have American Indian or Black Dutch ancestry.
(C) You may have descended from one of three brothers that came over from England.
(9) Thou shalt leave NO cemetery records, or headstones with legible names.
(10) Thou shalt leave NO family Bible with records of birth, marriages or deaths.
(11) Thou shalt ALWAYS flip thy name around. If born James Franklin, thou must make all the rest of thy records in the names of James, Jim, Franklin, Frank, JF.
(12) Thou must also flip thy parent's names when making reference to them, although "Unknown" or a blank line is an acceptable alternative.
(13) Thou shalt name at least 5 generations of males, and dozens of their cousins with identical names in order to totally confuse researchers. (Example: William Alexander Loftin had a sister named Mary Frances Loftin. He also named his first daughter Mary Frances Loftin. Both of these women then married men with the last name of Drum)
Murphy's Law
o You finally find the wedding record for your gggrandfather only to discover he married Mary SMITH whose father was John SMITH and mother was Mary JONES!
o You have finally found the information you needed to solve the family mystery you have been working on for 2 years and your elderly aunt says " I could have told you that!"
o You find an old family photo album and upon close examination, there are no names on the pictures.
o You learn that your great grandmother's family bible (passed down through the family for 3 generations) was sold at an estate sale in New York City.
o You find your family in the census and write to the county where they lived for 40 years, only to receive a letter stating all the county records burned.
o You learn there is a county history on microfilm of the county your ancestors originated. It has 16000 pages and is not indexed.
o The public ceremony in which your distinguished ancestor participated and at which the platform collapsed under him, turned out to be a hanging.
From "Dear Abby"
Dear Abby:
I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?
~ Sam in California ~
Dear Sam: Yes. Run for public office!GENEALOGY
Genealogy begins as an interest,
Becomes a hobby;
Continues as an avocation,
Takes over as an obsession,
And in its last stages,
Is an incurable disease.
--Author Unknown
Ocupayshun: Cencus Taker
(Ever wonder why you can't make heads or tails out of the census?)
"I am a cencus takers for the city of Bufflow. Our city has groan very fast in resent
yeers & now in 1865, it has become a hard & time consuming job to count all the peephill. There are not many that con do this werk, as it is nesessarie to have a ejucashun, wich a lot of pursons steal don not have. Anuther atribeart needed for this job is god speling, for meny of the peephill to be counted can hardle speek inglish,
let alon spel there names!"
WARNING
QUARANTINE
The inhabitants of this place have been stricken with
GENEALOGY FEVER
A Deadly and Infectious Disease
Symptoms: Notepapers stuffed in pockets and files; heart
palpitations at the sight of gravestones and old trunks
filled with letters; bloodshot eyes from excessive microfilm
exposure; erratic speech patterns punctuated with pilgrims and
princes; cold sweat upon the arrival of the daily mail.
INCURABLE
